Meet Stephanie

Stephanie is a mom of Milo, her little boy in Heaven and Ares, a little boy on Earth. She is strength, courage and love personified. It’s easy to get caught up with our picky eaters, toddler behaviors, and daily tantrums but this story puts motherhood in perspective.

Mona @ SW: Who was Milo?

Stephanie: Milo was born at 24 weeks, Only 1.1lbs, and spent ten months in NICU. He came home on oxygen and with a feeding tube. He could not crawl or roll over, but in a few short months he made amazing progress. He rarely cried and had a smile that was contagious. At age 2 1/2 he was learning to walk with PT and the help of a pediatric walker, was breathing without oxygen, and learning to eat with the help of OT. He communicated with simple sign language and had learned to say a few words like ‘mom,’ ‘drink’ and ‘up.’ He signed both please and thank you. He was diagnosed with hepatoblastoma (liver cancer) and simultaneous kidney failure in Oct. 2014. He completed almost five months of chemo when we got the call that they had found him a liver and kidney. He had his transplant on my 35th birthday and went to Heaven 8 days later, 3/22/15.

Mona @ SW: What has helped/guided you through these trying times?

Stephanie: Since his loss, my goal has always been to make him proud. Take one step at a time, and have faith that he is still with us and guiding us on this journey. I have an incredible husband, amazing friends, and a supportive family. They let me have bad days and cheer me on during the good ones. That sweet boy taught me that miracles absolutely exist, but you have to put in the work to recognize them. I see a counselor regularly and talk about him as often as I can. And I have met amazing individuals on this journey. Loss moms are some of the most incredible people on this planet.

Mona @ SW: What led you to adoption through the foster system?

Stephanie: About a year after we lost Milo, we decided we weren’t done parenting. My pregnancy was high risk and we ruled out my carrying another child. We found an agency that paired children already legally available for adoption, waiting in the foster system, with forever homes. That felt right for us. We went through classes and got certified to foster. Ares came to us in December of 2016. He was 3 years, 2 months—the exact age we lost Milo. And their names both mean ‘warrior.’ 

Mona @ SW: How did you come to identify with the beautiful phrase "parenting angels"

Stephanie: A big struggle for loss parents is answering questions like, ‘do you have children?’ Just because your child is in Heaven, to me, does not mean you’re no longer a parent. My son in Heaven is as big a part of me, my parenting, and my family, as my son on Earth. Just because he isn’t here physically, he’s still our son and we are still his parents. When asked if I have children, I say, “Yes, I have a son on Earth and a son in Heaven.”

Mona @ SW: What advice do you have for other mothers/parents that are grieving the loss of their child/ren.

Stephanie: Our children in Heaven have as much to teach us as our children on Earth. We have to find ways to cope with that loss every minute for the rest of our lives. But from my experience, being a mother to a child in Heaven has made me stronger, more empathetic, and a better mom to my son on Earth. 

Mona @ SW: Any parting thoughts that you would like to share?

Stephanie: So many of us suffer from mom-guilt. And that guilt does nothing but hurt us. Every mother should forgive herself, take time for herself, and know none of us is perfect. And we have each other. Other moms are the best resource for advice, empathy, and reassurance.

Special thank you to Stephanie for sharing her story.