Meet Shruti

Shruti with her girls Ava & Gia

Mona @ SW: Tell me a little bit about yourself. 

Shruti: “I was born in India, raised in Texas. Randomly met my husband on spring break. I tagged along with my friend to meet a guy she had been talking to. She was hanging out with her guy and I was left to hang out with Amrit and 3 years later we were married. Our parents had met and arranged our engagement and marriage while we were sent out for ice cream! We came back to be sent to my  brothers room to “chat.” When we came outside, they were hugging and feeding each other mithai. Next week will be celebrating our 17th anniversary! 

I quit my job in marketing and advertising & career services  when my eldest daughter was born. I held her in my hands and told my boss who came to visit me that ‘I quit.’ 

Now I have two girls Ava & Gia. “ 

Mona @ SW: What was your journey with cancer? (diagnosis, duration, treatment, post cancer) 

Shruti: “It was October 2017, a week before Diwali, I was planning a big party for friends. It was a Sunday, I went to take a shower and I rubbed my left breast and it felt like a rock was inside.

I thought that was odd and told my husband something didn’t feel right. I texted my friend, who is an OB, with my concern. I went to see her on Monday and she sent me for a mammogram. I went for my mammogram and their response was ‘hmm we do see something.’ I was sent for a biopsy on Wednesday and the next day I was flying out to Indiana for a family Baby Shower. On Sunday, I was sitting with my family and got a call from my Doctor. I knew something was wrong.

‘Your results are positive, I am so sorry.’ Positive sounded good right? But I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying or what that meant. I was 38 years old. I cried with my husband in the room. Then I had to share with my family what was going on. I had to tell Amrit’s 92 year-old grandma that her grandchild was diagnosed with cancer.

My doctor told me she had made appointments with some of the best doctors the next day. I went straight from the flight to the doctor’s office. He was supposed to be the best Breast Surgeon - One of the first things he said to me is ‘well now at least you’ll get the boobs you finally wanted.’ I left. I couldn’t build a relationship with a doctor that had a bedside manner like that. I was much more comfortable seeing Another breast surgeon if he or she had a better bedside manner. 

I was worried. Cancer is a world in itself. I asked my Oncologist ‘Am I going to die?’ His response was ‘No way! You have stage 2A breast cancer’ and continued to explain my prognosis. He wanted me to start Chemo in a few days and told me to clear the next year off of my life.

I told him, I am going to Disney World! I need two weeks to get my life together. I wanted to have a fun experience with my family and organize my life a bit. The girls needed school clothes and I needed a few weeks of my life back. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.” 

Mona @ SW: How did you address your health with your little ones? How did it affect them?

Shruti: “My kids were 3 & 5 when I got diagnosed. I took my oldest Ava on one of our mommy/daughter dates. Her favorite thing to do was to get pedis and go shopping. We went to lunch at our favorite place and I told her I was sick. ‘Some people get the flu, mommy got cancer.’ What does that mean? She asked. I didn’t make it a big deal. I told her ‘I am going to take some medications to get better but my hair will fall out.’ She was a bit shocked with that response so I told her when that happened that we had to go get some fun wigs! For her and Gia too! She liked that. 

As Indian families we tend to hide what is happening but I wanted my girls to know what was going on and I wanted to be honest with them. I told them what treatment I was going through and what would happen. 

My three year old basically said ‘cool’ and moved on. However, she would often make cards, bracelets & necklaces for me at school so I would feel better.”

Mona @ SW: How did all of this take a toll on you emotionally now and back then when you were going through it all?

Shruti: “It was more than cancer itself that affected me. Two months after I got diagnosed and was undergoing treatment, my father had a stroke in India. I was unable to go to him nor was I able to attend his cremation. That was hard for me. The day he was cremated was also the day that I had an appointment to have my head shaved. It was symbolic for me because this was often a practice in India that sons did when a family member passed away. 

Mona @ SW: Do you have any words of advice for families that have young children and a parent with health concerns?

Shruti: “I shared everything with my kids that wouldn’t hurt them. I kept them in the loop even though they were young because changes are happening. My 3 year old daughter walked in when they were giving me a shot. It shocked her. Later that day she snuggled up in bed and was worried about something, when I asked her she said she was sad to see me in pain. I realized I had to help them through it too.

After I was done with treatments I put both of my girls in therapy. It was first on my list and it  was the best thing I did. The Therapist would get them to share their feelings in ways I couldn’t. Through coloring and other activities she was able to get things out of them that I couldn’t. Once Ava had shared through a drawing that ‘I hope my mommy doesn’t get cancer again.’ When I asked her about anything she said she was okay, but I was so happy to know what was really playing on her mind.

Nowadays it’s easy to get caught up with my kids schedule and not let it play on my mind as much but doctors appointments are always a reminder. As is October, breast cancer awareness month. I can’t really forget about it completely.” 

Mona @ SW: What have you learned through this journey that you wish you knew at the start?

Shruti: “Every year I speak at a garba in Dallas with almost 800 women. I start out my speech with an airplane analogy. When you get on an airplane the hostess will tell you that you must put on your oxygen mask before you can help others. If we ourselves aren’t okay how can we help others. 

I blame myself for not finding the cancer earlier.  I quit going to the doctors for five years because I was busy raising my girls. That's what we do as Indian wives. We feel like we need to take care of everyone but not ourselves. I still kick myself for not going to the doctor’s earlier.

It’s not selfish to put yourself first.

One of my favorite quotes is

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.”